A Pivotal Year

AUGUST 2008

I am leaving my teenage years behind in a few days. Though it may not feel oh-so different, (and like you care) I feel like I grew up so much this past year.

I went through (and still going through) so many things I have never imagined I would be experiencing a year or two ago.

I graduated and earned my Associates degree. My parents sent me half way across the world without their supervision. I could’ve done so many crazy things. But changing me wasn’t the best idea thus I stayed as my old, introverted self. I didn’t enjoy going to school (for the academic part) and quitting was an option but decided not to take the easy way out. I stayed in school and tried to stick it out.

Though school was not my game, I had a mind-set that “two more years and I can do whatever the fuck I want”. So when I thought and felt like everything was going to be okay, I got rejected by my first choice of transfer university. That feeling of wanting to quit chased me again. I felt like my life was falling apart; no goal, no direction. But as the saying goes, when one door shuts, another one opens. And so I got accepted to my second of choice of university and will be going back for my junior year starting winter quarter. Mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety await me.

My responsibilities as an adult have also hiked up this past year. About 5 months ago, I landed a job as an assistant teacher at an early learning center. I’ve been learning so much from the children (as ironic as that may sound) and love the company of my awesome co-workers. I’ve been put through so many challenges and as much as I complain about it and breakdown, that is when I actually feel alive.

This year, I was also turned on and off like a light bulb. It’s hard when the person you love and care about the most doesn’t feel the same way anymore… the third time around. I’ve been through so many painful realizations and shed a bucket of tears. But recently, I’ve put a halt to my tears and have stopped wallowing in self-pity. Instead, I’ve been treating myself well. For the first time, I’m thinking about myself before others… and it feels damn great.

To celebrate this pivotal year, I am going to wild out (no, not really) in Los Angeles (my long-awaited trip!) I have been working my ass off to save for this trip and suffice to say, I deserve a damn vacation. Hollywood, here I come!

As challenging as this year had been so far, I believe these trials and tribulations are what’s making me a stronger person. Little things that used to break me into pieces are now just something that I am able to surpass with ease. But hey, I am not invincible. I still cry and get pushed off life’s little edge time again.

Looking back, I feel like I have come so far. One day I am put up high on a pedestal and hit rock bottom the next. Feelings of elatedness and moments of defeat have taken a toll on this rollercoaster better known as my life… And I have learned to embrace it.