"The world is over-populated with the wrong kinds of people"- Ellen Degeneres

So true.

I swallowed my pride and there you are, you didn't even have the decency to actually reply back. Instead you post a lousy bulletin. Sure, you didn't mention my name but it doesn't take a brainiac to know that it was posted for me as your reply to my email. BULL!!!! To make matters worse, I was so nice to my email. I could've said so many negative things but I didn't because I'm too frickin' nice!!!! And another thing is that you twisted what I've said. More than half of your bulletin post didn't make sense whatsoever. I'm so pissed off right now!

"be brave, think more twice,and bethankful for wat you have"

Be brave?!!! What the fuck do you call my email then! It took a lot of guts for me to compose that and send it to your stupid inbox. I took time and effort to put that together and now I wish I did think more twice!! I shouldn't have wasted my time. Screw you. You could have said something nicer and for once, not drown your self in self-pity (to which you always do). I'm sick of you doing that. The world does not revolve around you. Face it, life has great challenges and yes, even heartbreaks are under that category and you're not the only one in this universe who experiences it.

And who the hell are you to tell me to be thankful of what I have?! I am happy with what have. Maybe what you were trying to say is that I should be thankful of you. Why should I be when your attitude is like that. Seriously. For the past 7-8 months or so, I feel drowned by you. Everything's always about you and what you feel. You don't realise that I have feelings too. But whenever I do open up, you just disregard it, like with my last email.

You're an inconsiderate prick.

Breathe in, breathe out...

"Why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel."

I come in the office today:

S: Are you here to see an advisor?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
S: Ohhh, I like that, "ma'am". I feel old though, hahahaha.
Me: Okay... MISS.
S: Hahaha... miss!

(C comes): Oh, Venus is here.
Me: Yeah but...
S: She's here as a student (sarcastically)
(Everyone laughs)
Me: I need to see an advisor for just a second!
C: Oh, okay. We'll go pick up the pizza in 5minutes.

That was totally random, nothing at all to do with the title. Anyhoo.

I just realized that I have a really low self-confidence. I thought I had it all together but I guess I put on a mask for other people to see that I'm doing well when in reality, I'm not. Maybe I don't like people to see that I'm vulnerable. But when worse comes to worse, I just show my vulnerability but some people misinterpret it as my being humble. Which believe me, when I doubt myself, I really mean it.

I've gotten so used to thinking that I'm going to fail at a certain something that I get serious panic attacks. Well, it doesn't really show. Like I don't inhale in a brown paperbag or anything like that (I've seen some people do that). I just get all bajiggity inside. I'd be lying if I said I don't have an ounce of confidence. When I'm SO sure that I did well, then I'm relieved inside.

What I'm trying to say is that I've gotten really good at hiding what I feel. It's good in a way coz I might hurt someone's feelings when I say what I really feel. LOL. But sometimes, saying what's inside me comes in handy. Lately I've been doing just that, talking about what I really feel inside to some people I really trust. And it really helps me a great deal in terms of getting some things out of my system. But for the most part, I still have to be more daring to say what's within me.

I'm getting there.

Hello Monday

Going to school isn't that bad. The thing with me is that after a while of not having school or not having to think about anything, my brain turns into mush. I guess thinking a lot and going to school ain't that bad, for my part at least. It's times like this that I appreciate Mondays. I like having a daily routine. Right now I'm sounding like I don't have an ounce of spontaneity, I do like seeing/soing spontaneous things. But sometimes having a routine or schedule set out for you makes life quite easier. Here I go, scream my lungs out, tryna get to you.. Haha- sorry, listening to Yellowcard, just had to sing that bit out loud :p See, there goes my spontaneous side. Lol. Ang labo ko!

I can't believe summer quarter is ending soon. It barely started! It scary how time flies. It's like when you blink, a few days pass by. Whew.

My season 2 of Friends came in the mail today. Yay! Looks like someone's gonna sleep late tonight ^__^

One last thing, I'm one relieved person right now. Another challenge awaits me. J O Y!

Lazy Ve.

In a way I hate not having school. I just become soooo lazy. Since it's summer quarter, there's no school every Fridays. So my Friday and Saturday consisted of going online, doing some homework, watching TV/DVDs, sleeping (lots of it!!), eating and the cycle goes on. To make matters worse, it's been raining for some days now. Typical Seattle summer! Just adds a cherry on top to my laziness. Oh but wait, I also cleaned my room and got rid of things I don't really need so at least I actually did something. Lol. And another thing, I chipped my tooth eating crackers last night. Argh. Now I gotta either look for a cheap dentist or wait until I visit the Philippines coz my insurance doesn't cover dental work. JOY. Now I only chew with my right jaw. A n y w a y.

Oh, and today (or rather yesterday since it's after 12 a.m.) I got to chat a bit with Irish Fullerton from Pinoy Dream Academy (PDA). She seems very down to earth. I added her on YM and never knew she'd accept the invite. I left her an offline message and she answered back immediately! She put herself offline but she was really on but she still talked to me. I told her how she resembled Ashley from A'sNTM Cycle 5.

Irish: "ashley black??"
Me: "Yeah!! Sorry if you don't agree with the resemblance. You even have the same age as her. My mom even said "oo nga, noh?" (about the resemblance)."
Irish: "searching for pics"
Me: "I found one but it's not a very good one. She looks like you on TV."
Irish: "send me the link"
(I sent it)
Irish: "it won't let me see it"
Me: "Is it not going through?"
Irish: "nope"

...and then I don't remember the rest. Oh and she also told me she has family in Bothell :) People say she's a bitch but she's really sweet. Haters!

Watching Friends right now. Can't sleep. (Figure, I slept all day!) Kinda want to go to the mall later. Dalton is closing down and books are 50% off. Bought a book last Thursday, "Queen of Everything" for $3.80. It's an okay book.

I want Monday to come already so that my laziness could go away. It's making my head hurt. Tugshhhh.

.:20 things:.

Got this idea from a friend's blog entry on Multiply.

List down twenty things you want to say to people but know you never will. Don't say who they are.

1. Don’t be such a know-it-all, it really bothers me.

2. I wish you were more considerate.

3. Please let me do what I want without having to criticize the outcome, before it actually happens. (I might actually say this but in a different manner, ha-ha)

4. Thank you for always being there (although I've told you this a million times already) You're just the best. Whenever you cheer me on, I can't be more happy. People say each individual have a guardian angel, I think you are mine.

5. I wish you weren’t dating her. I really liked you. (Note: past tense!!)

6. Sometimes I wish you appreciated me more. I try my hardest to be the best friend I can be but sometimes I feel like it doesn’t mean anything to you.

7. You tend to talk about yourself too much sometimes and it kind of irritates me.

8. You’ve changed a lot and I’m happy about your positive attitude. But I think you try too hard at times.

9. Stop being such suck-up just so everyone will like you, you’re great as you are already. I just really hate it when you put up a front to other people that you don’t do normally. Be yourself.

10. You’re a beautiful person, but I wish you dressed up more appropriately.

11. I don’t like it when you think you made everything possible. It’s like people around you are not capable of doing anything. Not everything you touch turns to gold.

12. Stop thinking you're cute and attractive, you're really not.

13. You're such a spolied brat. Stop being so materialitstic. There's more to life than pricey things.

14. Don't be so hot-headed, your mood swings make me think you have a B.D *_*

15. You're an amazing person even with your flaws.

16. I'm not a kid anymore. You have to cut me some slack just a bit more.

17. You're such a loud mouth but I love you just the way you are :)

18. You're evil. Period. I have no respect left for you.

19. I admire your bitchiness :)

20. It's not always about you.

Road Rage without the Road.

At driver's ed. today, we talked about road rage. That's what I'm feeling right now except I'm not driving (which is good!).

Some people just have an unfortunate lack of understanding. For once, I pity you. I don't hate you. In fact, I'm so thankful you're there to make me realize how desperate people can get. You're a brilliant example. I usually think about what I'm going to say to someone before I say it but this time, I'm out of control. I just want to spill everything coz I've had enough. But I won't spill. I'm way too kind.

I know I might take back everything I've said but I don't see it happening any time soon... coz right now I have a "hard heart".

I really have to focus on everything positive. I'm going nuts. I'm so glad I still have some people around me to keep me sane. I have to find my Zen place and loving state of being. Lol.

History Discussion Board is my calling right now.

Woooosh! (Seriously, what is up with me?!)

Another one bites the dust.

Mannnn, when there's a lot of things going on, time sure flies like whoooosh! (Okay, Ve, wtf was that??) Anyhoo.

The past week was just a lot of information to take in. My brain is still in the process of absorbing everything. Whenever there's a good news, a bad news comes up and then a bad one and then a good one... well, you catch my drift. But for the most part I have a lot of learning to do and I'm loving it.

Although there is one bad news that stood out. A certain someone is really getting on my last nerve. I'm known to have a long fuse, it takes hell of a lot to piss me off. But this certain someone have pushed me to life's little edge and I'm not liking one bit of it. Ever felt like cutting someone off your life? That's what I'm feeling right now.

I might seem really bitchy at this point but enough. What on earth do you want me to do?! I can't read your mind. And who the heck are you to tell me I don't care? Excuse you. If I didn't, I wouldn't make the effort to squeeze you in my busy schedule. Did you know that those short phone calls I make just to get to talk to you could've been a few minutes for me to talk to my other friends whom I haven't spoken with for quite a while? But I guess that's not what you call an effort. And those times you do something I don't appreciate (I won't mention it for the sake of keeping your anonimity), I worry like hell if you're okay but I guess that's not enough either. I can't believe I tolerate you when you burry yourself in self-pity.

I'm not really in the mood to argue, I'd rather spend my energy on something else, something more important. I'm tired already, life's already hard as it is. Life's way too precious to be wasting it on someone like you.

I'll some day find that someone. It night not be soon but I will.

For now, I'll dwell on the good things this life has to offer.

Hotness

I shouldn't really be blogging coz I still have Accounting homework to do. But at least I'm half done with it. And I just got done with my History discussion board so it's all good :) I just got my Friends Season 1 DVD box set on the mail so as soon as I finish everything, I'll watch them! So excited. I'm gonna start collecting all seasons. They're pretty cheap on Amazon.com.

I guess I should call this blogging my "break time". Heehee.

It's soooo hot today! When you go outside, you can feel your skin burning and you just want to drop dead on the ground. Okay, so I might be exaggerating but it's really super uber hot!

The bus ride from campus to 911 was no fun as well the ride to go home. Phew. I could feel my face like it was on fire. Anyhoo, 911 was fun. Our instructor is so funny. I hope she stays for the rest of the course. She was trying to remember everyone's name, she's hilarious. And she's so energetic and jumpy. And a loud voice for a petite lady. Haha. Well what can I say, she's a cop :) I feel like with all the stuff I'm learning, I'm becoming like a junior cop or something. Lol. but I really can't wait to drive :)

Well I guess that's my break. Lol.

Gonna go take a cold shower, continue Accounting and then watch Friends! Woot.

Oh and one more thing. It was totally worth the wait.

"Everything happens for a reason". I, too, believe this as well. Thank YOU.

I'm a strong person. I have a lot to give. And yeah, it's about me now...

Anxiety: the good kind.

Don't you just hate when you're left hanging on a cliff? It's the worse feeling. You can't wait what's in store for you next, whether good or bad. (But I think for the most part, it's good... unless it gets jinxed). I've been feeling anxious since Saturday. I don't want to talk about it in case I jinx it. Coz it always happens, whenever I want something to happen SO bad, it gets jinxed when I elaborate on it. Well I've already talked about it with my mom but she blabbed it on but I guess she's just proud.

Anyhoo, we'll just wait and see. Maybe it's worth the wait :)

I've been really cranky today. I suddenly snap at poeple and whenever I'm asked a question, I asnwer sarcastically. Stupid monthly hormones LOL. Why am I even talking about that here?!

^__^

I miss my friends from Cyprus so much. I can't believe I forgot that I've been gone from the island for 2 years already last July 3. With all the bruhaha, it just passed me by. They all had a prom at the Four Seasons a couple of days ago and they all look beautiful in the pictures. They've changed heck of a lot. Oh and they graduated as well... I was supposed to be there rocking a graduation gown too. Oh well.

I can't believe how everyone looks so different now. And I look at myself and I look... the same as I did when I left Cyprus. I don't know if I should be frustrated or what I should really feel for that matter. I need a makeover!! Haha. Like something drastic. For one I've altered my way of clothing, I wear "girlier" clothes (i think) now but just doesn't make the cut for "drastic change".

I'm not really making much sense of what I'm typing so we'll just leave it at that. Hahaha.

But yeah, back to my main subject, my friends in Cyprus. We might not be in touch as much as the first year I left or as much as I'd like us to be but I'm just glad we do. They're the best. Sometimes I get mad that they don't reply back to my messages but I completely understand them. In the back of my mind, I know they miss me too. Harhar.

I wish them all the best in university :) I love you guys!

The random entry.

So 4th was cool yesterday. Woke up, worked out and got ready before Roxanne came to pick me up. Had lunch at her cousin's house with her boyfriend, Aeegee. Her family are funny people! Then after about a couple of hours, we left and ate once again at our house. Then she left at around 6:30ish. Then my uncle, mom and I went to Edmonds to watch the fireworks at 10.

Some pictures:

Today was slow. Got to my usual 9am class, Financial Accounting 1. Kinda getting the concept of chapter 2 but whatever. Test again on Monday, gotta ace it since I didn't do so well on the first one. After class, went to the computer lab and did some accounting homework. Didn't get much done.

Took the bus home, napped and did some of my homework. Suprisingly, got more than half done of the History discussion board done.

Around 5ish, Roxanne came to pick me up and we ate at Panero's then strolled around the mall for a bit. Bought nothing. Made a couple of stops elsewhere then Starbucks then home.

Just got done with my homework. Both are due at midnight. Finished History at around 9pm and I just finished Accounting a few minutes ago. Racked my brain doing the trial balance. It didn't freakin' balance! Then I just left the extra credit alone for chapter 1. My brain is too tired to think.

Which brings me to my next point (was I even trying to make one? anyhow). I'm a "giver". I give up easily and I hate myself for it. But I did try my best. I tried harder than I usually do... lol. But nothing, my brain cells just gave up. Oh well. (I could hear my dad telling me "kaya mo yan, hindi ka lang na ko-concentrate"). It's like my brain chooses what to learn, if that makes any sense. And lately my attention span has been very short and that's not good. It's like "ohhhh. okay. now i'm bored". My brain just wanders off. Like today, the professor was explaining chapter 2 and for a minute, I got what she was saying but then after, she totally lost me. I just nod my head pretending I get everything. Lol. I guess it was her fault for losing me coz she writes with a black marker on the white board, right? Well she erases the board with this dirty cloth which makes her hands dirty too. Then at one point, she touched her upper lip and left a funny looking, black mark that made her look like Hitler. HAHAHA. Sorry, it was just really funny. I wanted to burst out. Then she touched the side of her nose which made it worse for me. But thankfully I pulled my inner self together. Whew. But seriously, I really have to concentrate more!

Anyhoo, no school tomorrow. Woopie.

I'm out.

Venus 101

Laugh is what I do best. I believe laughter is a universal therapy.

So I've been blabbing for 2 days now about my struggles with blogger so let me introduce myself...

My name is Venus and I'm originally from the Philippines. Both my parents are Filipinos but I was born in Cyprus (Google it if you don't know where it is.) After a couple of years in Cyprus, my family and I moved to New York and lived there for a year. After New York, I started kindergarden in the Philippines until the 3rd grade. Moved once again to Cyprus until the summer I turned 17. And now at 19, pursuing a college degree here in the Emerald City, Seattle.

The Space Needle. I'll visit you some day. Seattle is love.

I like it here. I can't believe September marks my 2 years. Time sure flies. I've learned so much since I got here. I became independent, bold and grew as a young, mature individual. I guess living away from my parents made me learn to look after myself. Sure, my aunt and uncle are there but it's just different. I learned how to do the smallest things such as laundry to the bigger, important things such as controlling my budget.

Another factor that shaped me to who am I today was when I got my first ever job which is an International Peer Mentor. I was lucky enough to be chosen as one of the 5 student leaders representing the international population for the S.Y. 2006-2007. What we basically do is help new and current int'l students adjust to the life here in Seattle and integrate them into the campus. My co-workers are from Hong Kong, Indonesia, Korea and Vietnam while my boss is from Japan. (Are we culturally diversed or what?!) I've been working as an IPM for nearly a year now and it's sad to let go of it in a couple of months (the program changes IPMs every year to give other students opportunity to work for this amazing job). I learned SO much (what I've learned is another blog entry..lol)

Hung (Vietnam), Billy (Indonesia), Mari (Japan), Venus (Philippines slash Cyprus), Mickee (Korea) and Polly (Hong Kong)
The coolest people you're ever going to meet :)

On my spare time I love to shop. I was such a big shopper before but when I started getting my paycheck, I just wanted to save coz hello, I worked dang hard for it. Lol. My dorky side is I like scrap booking. (It could be my sentimental side, too). I love sports but I've been really lazy lately, thus I'm out of shape. I was a varsity in volleyball in high school and that went down the drain when I moved here. Right now, I try to keep in shape by jogging on the treadmill. Joy.

Travelling is a passion of mine. I've been to Israel, Greece, Lebanon, Canada and a bunch of layovers in Japan, Kuwait, UAE, Korea and Taipei. If given the opportunity, I'd love for a tropical island to be my next destination.

But nothing beats the Philippines. Yeah, it's mainit, crowded, traffic and whatnot. But don't you just thank not having to call a cab when you need one? There are like a gazillion of them. Malls are great too. Naiinis ako pag nagmamalaki mga puti tapos tinatanong kung may malls sa Pilipinas. Sa isip-isip ko, "mga malls nyo, parking space lang ng mga malls sa Pilipinas!". I love visiting the Philippines. I'm not really into the whole patriotic "Pilipino ako" type of thing but I'm proud to be one. At my college, I feel like I'm representing us under the international programs. Hay nako, mabuhay. LOL.

I'm also a random person. We might be talking about a specific something when a few minutes later, my conversation with you could completely go off tangent. Sorry in advance!

I love making new friends. I may not easily get close to a person but when I do, I get attached. But I choose my friends wisely. You'll know if your friends are real when they stay up with you till 3am on the phone, listening to your crying. I love my friends.

Costi, Raff, Tish and Laura. I miss them. Years of friendship will never be forgotten.

My family is my everything. We've had our ups and downs but no matter what, they're my family and we stay strong together. My weakness is my nephew and he's one spoiled, lil' kid.


He's my precious, Adam Lee. Love it when he calls me "titatatata"


I'm running out of things to say so I'll just blab some other time.

That's about me for now. Watch this space.

2nd attempt

It's Lindsay Lohan's birthday today. Sure, she's been in and out of the rehab but heck, that girl can act! I've been a fan since The Parent Trap and have watched nearly all of her movies. She doesn't deserve all the crap people give her. Yeah, she parties a lot... so does the majority of people her age! Anyhoo.

So yesterday I spent half of my afternoon trying to figure out how to change my layout (not the ones that blogger owns but the fancy ones.) Failed at it. But i'll keep trying, lol. I could've spent that time studying for Accounting. Test was okay today... hopefully.

I also watched the concert for Princess Diana yesterday. Just watched the encore though and they only showed an hour of it. Not a big Diddy fan but his performance was great.

Today after accounting, worked at the office for an hour then killed time at Northgate. Then went back to campus and then first staff meeting for the quarter. It was weird to see the team smaller. I miss Mickee and Polly.

Anyhoo, I'll go figure this blogger thing again... kinda getting the hang of it.

Welcome to Venus' World

So this is my 3rd attempt on creating a blogspot. I've been a big fan of blog-hopping and writing blogs and I've seen some great blogs here on blogspot so here I am for the 3rd time around.

Right now my blogs are all over the place but once I get this blog started, I'll probably writing here more often.

I'm not quite familiar with how this blog works but I'll eventually figure it out. Lol.