You Learn

Thank you, Miss Morissette for providing.

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Questions.

Do you still love me?
Am I still the one?
Do you still need me?
Or should I be gone?

Am I pushing you away?
Because of how I'm sad?
Is what I'm giving you not enough?
Is it a sin that I want you so bad?

Are you mad at me?
For pointing out your mistake?
Should I have just kept quiet?
Not be honest, tell a lie and be fake?

Do you not see I'm fighting with myself?
Can I still trust you with my feelings?
Are you going to take care of them?
Are you going to be there the next time I cry?
Will you run after me?

Are you going to prevent me from falling?
Like you promised me in the beginning?

10/09

Random Recap: Autumn is here.

So I haven't really blogged about anything super new with my life lately. Has my life become THAT monotonous?! Scary.

Well so okay, 3rd quarter at Seattle U. Classes are okay, assignments are not kicking my ass so much... yet, anyways. Readings are pretty interesting, which is very unusual for me to say.

I've been doing service learning as well so I'm volunteering at the Boys & Girls Club. Very different from a daycare since these kids are older. And lately I've been tutoring kids with their math homework... wrong person to ask help from! Haha.

What else, what else. Really nothing too exciting. Just got over being depressed about the typhoon that hit Manila which affected my family. They're doing well now :)

You know when it's Autumn because: Halloween's coming up, Thanksgiving's next and finally, Christmas.
Might go to a halloween club party since I CAN now :P or even go to this haunted tour of the Pike Place Market at Downtown Seattle :) Couldn't go before coz I was under 21. Thanksgiving, probably just the usual big-ass feast... hehehe. Damn. Oh, and let's not forget Black Friday... SHOPPING! :D Then Christmas... another mundane holiday without my family. I've come to a point where I don't look forward to Christmas anymore. For me it's just a 3-week sleeping vacation.

I guess this entry was to prevent me from thinking about my rhetorical criticism topic... arghhh, I don't know what to write about!

I'm out.

close your eyes and breathe.

I haven't been myself lately.

Often I catch myself just staring into space and wasting my brain cells into oblivion.

My eating habits have changed and sleeping pattern altered.

I feel lost. I laugh less. I cry more.

I know other people have bigger problems to solve, more serious battles to fight.

And me, I'm just confusing myself-- not knowing what I want out of love and life.

It's times like these that I wish I were a kid again. When life was simple and with no worries in the world but what cereals to eat for breakfast.

But I guess all this emotional baggage just makes me human.

“We often worry so much about the future that we forget to enjoy the present”- yours truly.

"Everything" by A.Morissette.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone whose
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone whose
As positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.


You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here


You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

And you're still here
And you're still here...

"The Show" by Lenka

Been listening to Lenka's self-titled album, Lenka. She's definitely my new favourite artist right now.

I'm currently obsessed with this song:

"The Show"

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why...

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough...

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go...
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronise in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
They've got a ticket to the show....

Why?

Why do I feel like I'm always doing something wrong?
Why do I always cater to other people's feelings and disregard my own?
Why do I have that constant need to please people?
Why is it always my responsibility to shield someone from the pain and let myself get hurt instead?
Why is that when someoneone gets hurt, I feel miserable even though I know in my right mind that it's not my fault?

Why are you making me feel bad?
Why are you screwing with my head?

Shut the fuck up.

Tangent of Whatever

Moments pass you by, days run you over
The time ticks but you're still on the same place
Stuck in a time that many people have forgotten about
Glued on a ground that has been shaken numerous times
Yet, you're still there
The constant need to please people, sacrifice always playing its role
Feeling selfish, hurting others
Getting hurt, being knocked down
The fear of being alone, the fear of someone leaving
That scary thought of falling out of love
Difficult decisions to make, different extreme of choices to choose from
Wondering what your purpose is in this life
Is it going anywhere? Are you moving forward?


Your minds goes off on this tangent of whatever.

Tori Amos

Abnormally Attracted to Sin- North America tour




Thank you for an awesome show :)

*Welcome To England on repeat*

The effect of summer boredom.

Who makes you laugh the most?
Many people! I love to laugh.

Where are you right now?
In my room, inhaling concentrated room spray... hehehe.

Has anyone ever said something that brought tears to your eyes?
For sure.

Who was the last person you told a secret to?
Can't remember.

What was the last thing to disappoint you?
I'd rather not say.

Who did you last drive in a car with, besides family?
Roxanne... but she's like family. Hahahah. Probably Yasu san!

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
No.

Ever licked someone's cheek or forehead?
Hahahaha, yup.

Have you ever flown in an airplane?
Many times.

How many different things did you drink today?
Just my morning coffee :)

Do you think you've changed over the past year?
Oh yes.

Are you waiting for something?
No.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
YES :)

Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
No.

Does any part of your body hurt right now?
Head, just a little bit.

Are you wearing make-up right now?
Nope.

How do you feel about change?
I try to embrace it no matter how much it sucks sometimes.

How is the weather right now ?
Cloudy.

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
Dunno, I dozed off while watching Ellen monologues on YT.

How do you feel right now?
Giddy.

Does anyone call you babe?
Yes.

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
No, surprisingly.

Something you do a lot?
Listen to music and facebook.

Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Everything visible.

Would you say that you are an understanding person?
Definitely.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with A?
I don't think I have.

How has this week been?
Lazy.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Yes, yes and yes.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
Yup.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I know of.

Have you kissed anyone in '09 that actually meant something?
Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Yes.

Are you a forgiving person?
Too forgiving. But I'd rather be that than holding grudges... it's just not healthy.

Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren't?
Numerous times.

Are you on any medication?
Hahahah, no. Should I be? :P

Do you think two people can last forever?
I think that, but I don't believe in it entirely.

What are you excited for?
Lots of things! :)

Whats your favorite color?
This question is so old.

Do you think the last guy/girl you kissed cares for you?
Eh.

Who is the last person you took a picture with?
Can't remember.

Is tomorrow going to be better than today?
Maybe. Today barely started though.

What are you listening to?
Summer Sunshine- The Corrs.

Where's your phone at the moment?
Next to me.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
Yes.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes.

Ever walked on a rooftop?
Uhuh.

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried over them?
Many times... not anymore though :)

Do you think someone is talking smack about you behind your back?
I hope not.

When is the last time you were sick?
The week before finals... dehydration and exhaustion.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
I don't think I have.

Do you have any condoms in your room?
Nope.

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
No.

How many people on your top friends have you slept in the same bed with?
Quite a few of them. (I slept with them on the same bed, we didn't fuck you dirty minded people) Hahahah.

Are you tired right now?
No.

Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past month?
Yes.

What do you carry with you at all times?
iPod, phone, wallet.

When you see a foggy window do you feel the need to draw or write on it?
No.

First person you talked to today?
My uncle.

Would you go back in time to change something?
No thank you :)

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hated?
Yes.

Who is the last person you high-fived?
Can't remember.

Who did you last pinky promise with?
Hahaha, I don't think I ever pinky promised :P

Do you sleep with the tv on?
YT playlist :) I don't have a tv in my room.

Do you have any Tattoos? How many?
Yup. 4 small ones.

Piercings? How many?
Uhuh. 6.

Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
Yup :)

How late did you stay up last night?
2i-ish am.

Do you think you have made anyone happy recently?
Yes :)

Sorry To The Beautiful Man

Sorry To The Beautiful Man

A beautiful man is what you are,
One who shines brighter than any other star.
I keep pushing you away but you keep coming back,
Can’t you see; wanting you is what I lack?
You never left me any scar nor any pain,
I was never dragged by you to some sort of fast lane.
You always want to care, always want to love,
And I’m the girl who can’t fully give you what was mentioned above.
I admire how you want to give a girl everything and more,
But with deepest apologies, I can’t force a heart to beat like yours.

Venus-- 4/09

Hello Seattle Spring.

3 months and some odd days of not writing on this thing! Wow. I remember how I would almost write everyday, even it's just about non-sense things. Well here I am. Saturday morning of Seattle Spring. I'm glad the sun has finally showed up "properly". My best friend called me while I was still sleeping. Ignored the first call and let it roll to voicemail. Second call, I answered in case it was an emergency-- she just wanted to talk... hahaha. She thought I'd be awake since it's sunny outside and I'd be up to doing something. I WAS gonna go jogging but decided to fuck it-- I don't get to sleep-in during the week.

Second quarter into Seattle U. Mind-boggling classes, new-ish friends, intriguing conversations. But one thing remains, I still procrastinate A LOT... more than ever. Leaving 10-page essays to the last minute-- okay, so not really last minute but you get my drift. But hey, a B for a 400-level course is not too shabby :) Classes this quarter: Public Speaking, Theology, Dynamics of Communication. All equally interesting.

What to do now:
Clean room
Laundry
Online homework
Start working on self-intro speech
Taxes (dammitttt!)