Blah number 2

Today was just perfect bliss. Everything people told me, it's just what I wanted to hear :) I was kinda expecting someone to rain on my parade. Coz it always happens. It's like people have radars or something. When everything's going the way I want it, someone just barges in and steals my thunder. But today was just perfect. You can steal my thunder tomorrow, not tonight! Hahaha.

But for some reason, it's like I'm raining on my own parade... I feel like something's missing. I know most human beings are never satisfied or contented with what they have so yeah... I'm probably under that most human beings. Anyhoo.

Application deadline for UW is nearing... checked the online application, not available yet. *wipes sweatdrop*. As soon as I get my paycheck, I seriously have to register for TOEFL. Hopefully I'll have everything set by mid to end of November... so I can enjoy December. Hahaha. Deadline for UW is January 15 while Western's is April 1. So yeah. Got a potential good news but won't talk a lot about it so I won't jinx it. *sigh* I hope everything works out fine.

Gonna hit the pillows.

Blah.

3 days into the quarter and I'm still surprisingly motivated to do well... and so far I am doing well :) I know I shouldn't speak too soon but I just want this positive aura or good spirits to drag on until the quarter ends. Homework still bums me out but what's new, eh? At least this time, I want to do my homework (but still get tired of course).


For Math class (Statistics), I'm having a blast. It's officially my favorite math so far. The involvement of numbers just amazes me. Hahaha. I hope I really do well in this class.

Multicultural Communication class... loving it! I can't really say at this point that communication is my forte but it's something I really enjoy and it's the path I want to take. The beauty of it is that it's such a broad field that I can venture on. *sigh*

Music class is okay... not much to say coz it's an online class. I just have to keep track of what is due when all that jazz.

Anyhoo. Time for homework! :)

Back to school.

I can't believe that in less than an hour, I'll be sitting in a class again. I'm not ready. But in the back of my mind, I'm ready to work hard and prove myself. But that hindering thought that my brain turned into mush during my 1 month-and-some-days vacation still haunts me.

I checked my schedule last night and had a good look at it for the first time since I registered. It's not that bad actually. First class starts at 8:30am and then I get done with the 2nd class at 10:20am. Then one class is online. Great right? I get done early. More time for homework and work :) Thing that I don't like though is the walk I'm going to have to make for the rest of the quarter. First class is in the 2200 bldg. and 2nd class is in the 800 bldg. I'll have 10 minutes to do that walk so we'll see how that goes...

More later. Gotta get ready.

"Just Believe"

Monday-Saturday, I worked more than 40 hours. I feel so good though. Being tired was all worth it. Within the past of couple of weeks, I feel like I grew up as a person. Can't really explain it but I just feel it within. I can finally say that I've accomplished A LOT by my 19 years of age.

Sure, I've doubted myself along the way. But I guess I needed to do that to know that people are appreciating what I do. Plus screwing up is acceptable in life. It's when you learn. Also, I wouldn't be where I am at right now if people didn't believe in my abilities. It's just hard to forsee my potentials especially if I work with an amazing group of people.

Right now, I am so thankful of what I have. This person told me time and again to just believe in myself and "things will go to your (my) favor". And that person is absolutely right. Putting myself down isn't going to help. Believing in myself is the key. I learned, I believed and succeeded. I still have a long journey to repeat that process again and again and I can't wait to ride it.

I feel like a 25 year old trapped in a 19 year old's body. Hahahaha...

My being pansy side.

I'm soooo tired... I'm not complaining. I'm just making a statement... hahaha, vagueness. I feel like I lost weight, LOL. Haven't been sleeping much plus I walk around 90% of the time during orientation days. Day 3 tomorrow. Not as intense but still lots of work. Oh well. C'est la vie.

People's first impressions of me are snobby, stuck up, bitchy, unapproachable and anything along those lines... Is it because of my lack of communication? (how ironic would that be since that's my major... hahaha) or is it how I communicate?... I really don't know... But whatever reason, I really hope people would change their negative impression of me. I love to help people and I'm very much approachable. Oh well. People don't know that I have a tendency to be fragile. I always tell my friends to create a tougher skin... but I find myself not doing that. I liked what my friend told me today "choose what you need to hear". So true. Maybe I'm just being pansy about my feelings and how people react to me. But I can't help it. Although I'm sometimes breaking inside, I don't like showing people my vulnerability. It's just not me. But sometimes I just reach my lowest point and break out.

Stress and I don't go well together. I noticed that I talk too fast when I'm stressed out and don't know what the hell I'm saying. And I snap at people and I don't like one bit of it. I feel bad.

Life's what you really make it.

^__^

I was trying on a pair of UGGs today and I was like "do they grow?"... hahaha. I meant to say "do they stretch out?"LOL. Anyhoo, I ordered mine already. They didn't have my size or the color I wanted so I just placed an order. They should arrive by next week :) I'll finally own a pair. Been wanting them for the longest time. My mom paid for them first since I'm kinda broke. Heehee. Thanks mother. I owe you... alot... literally. HAHA.

Worked this passed week. Pretty laid back. I felt like I was just there to answer questions. It was mentally draining but it's all fine :P On Monday, I gotta be at work by 6:30am. Orientation gets done around 5pm (including take down) and then I gotta work extra hours at the office. It's gonna be the longest day ever. No complaints though coz I've done this like what, 4-5 times already? But the difference this time is that I'm not working within a team. I'm working with a team with a different role. Let's just say I've paid my dues :p

School starts on the 24th. I can't wait. I want to redeem myself.

That's all for now. Viva Le Uggs. (HAHAHAHA)- wtf?:P

Fears and Dreams: Life in General

Life is not something that should be perfect. I always say, perfection is a flaw in itself (or was it Jolie who said something similar to that?--anyhoo, lol). In life having everything the way you want sounds nice but to get to that state, you have to work hard for it. Well, at least I have/do.

Lately, something's been really bothering me and I don't even want to fixate or put an emphasis to it but I guess paranoia's just taking a toll on me. I know I shouldn't worry and it's probably nothing. And I feel like the more I make a big deal out of it, the more chance of it that it's becoming true so no more thinking about it!! And plus I don't want people who are close to me to get worried coz there's probably nothing to be worried about.

On the same note, I feel like I should live my life to the fullest. Not necessarily go bungee jumping or do crazy things but appreciate life more. Show those who are close to me that I love and care about them. Or just be happy that I was given this life to experience and all the aspects that come with it. I want to gain many experiences as much as I can. From falling in love to heartbreaks, from being high on a pedestal to hitting a low point. I want to travel, meet people, have kids, a husband and live in a house with that white picket fence. You never know when your journey in life is gonna end so why not dream of all the possibilities in the world? :)

Dreaming is not a bad thing coz it's free to dream. But reaching that dream isn't free, it's priceless. In my 19 years of life, I can confidently say that I've accomplished quite a lot. I grew up as a decent individual, thanks to my parents' nurturing. The most "rebellious" thing I've ever done was to break a curfew. But surely I wasn't the perfect daughter since school is not really my game. However I make the effort.

And now, I've never been so determined in my life to do well in everything. But along the way, I won't mind if something happens and I screw up coz screwing is a big part of life. It's when you learn. Overcoming and tackling challenges is the key.

[[[[I have no idea why I'm blabbing I should probably stop]]]]

C'est la vie.

I'm a pig!!!

LOL.

How can a person eat so much?!! Hahaha. Here are what I ate today!

Breakfast:
Parmesan bagle with 2 strips of bacon and a cup of green tea

[Did 15 minutes weights and ran 20 minutes on the treadmill]

Lunch:
Chinese food. Enough said!

Snack:
Watermelon seeds
Quaker Oats granola
A plum
Green Tea

Dinner:
Pork chop, fried rice, potato salad and a big ass slice of mud pie for dessert.

Right now I feel so fat. UGHHHHH. My morning exercise basically just went down the drain, lol.

This was totally not worth sharing.

This Ship Has Sailed.

The title had multiple meanings today:

*My somewhat new job is making me feel very different about myself. A good different which I like.

*Past failures will be my motivation to work harder from now on.

*And the weirdest thing happened when I woke up. My cell is usually on silent when I'm sleeping so there are no interruptions. Lol. I always check the time from my cell when I wake up so I did such when I woke up today. "1 missed call". I never expected to get a call from him. He was the last person I expected a call from. I was weirded out by it. I woke up at 9:45am and he called less than 15 mins before that. Anyhoo. After a few hours [by few I mean 2 hours], I texted him and pretended I didn't know the number (well it was more of my lack of certainty coz since I was so weirded out by it, I just wanted to make sure it was him):

Me: Who's this?
Him: It's ...., don't you remember me?
Me: Oh, hi. Sorry, my phonebook got wiped out.
Him: Really? But I still remember you [uhhh, what?!--no connection!] So what's up?
Me: Nothing much. Working and studying basically. How about you?
Him: Same thing as you.

Then that was it. Didn't reply back since he never asked anything else. Was that weird or what? I haven't heard from the guy in so long. I can't believe I actually pushed myself to him when he wasn't interested. I was thinking alot about it today. I was such a stupid girl back then. Maybe I still am... but ugh, seriously, thinking about it made me feel, I don't know. It's unexplainable! But yeah, what the heck does he want? [sorry for the harshness]

This ship has sailed... Ain't gonna let anyone rain on my parade.